


Exposed

by SBlackmane



Series: Lion, 9:41 Dragon [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adaar Shares His Past, Awkward Cullen, Awkwardness, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Then Flirts With Cullen, Truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 15:04:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16266665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SBlackmane/pseuds/SBlackmane
Summary: (A continuation of De-Lyrium, because I'm not done making Cullen blush)Adaar opens up a little about his life before the Valo-Kas. It changes Cullen's perspective on things.





	Exposed

He folded his arms and leaned against the post behind him, trying to stamp down the redness in his cheeks, but miserably failing.

He felt so exposed out here, without armor or a weapon, not so much as a shield to buffer, and standing so unbearably close to such an intimidating figure, and his pulse raced. Some small part of him was on the defensive still, but yet the larger part of him was feeling vulnerable for a completely different reason. One that had nothing to do with the Tal-Vashoth being a mage, and nothing to do with Cullen's lack of defense against any attack. But had everything to do with Adaar's piercing gaze.

He felt so small under that gaze. So helpless. And so utterly inept.

But at least he was no longer driven mad by the cravings. Now, he just felt exhausted. Like he'd run the length of Haven and back again twice over without stopping. He still had those little aches and pains that simply came with working himself to death, a nagging sense that it was more than fatigue, but the Lyrium affliction, though it was nothing an elfroot potion wouldn't fix. Nothing the cool breeze winding its way through the mountains wouldn't stave. As much as he detested close proximity to the giant, it was a much needed distraction.

If only he could keep his eyes from wandering to that broad chest, those arms, shoulders, the exposed abdomen, muscles taught, and that mouth. _Maker_ , that mouth.

"I'm not a virgin," he swore.

"I never said that. I just said you blush like one."

"It's just cold out here," he detested, once more blaming the weather for his burning face, but it wasn't the weather. In fact, moments ago he'd been sweating, and the chill of the Frostbacks had been a welcomed respite. Adaar snorted a little.

"Yeah, sure," he said with a smile.

He had this mischievous grin on his face, always possessed this childlike affluence that Cullen could never wrap his head around. The Commander rolled his eyes, and cracked just the barest of smiles at Adaar. His joviality was quite infectious, and no matter what he said or did, it was hard to remain infuriated with him for long. Even weeks ago, when Cullen accused him of siding with the mages due to personal bias, Adaar had reassured him it was no such thing, and even managed to convince Cullen it was a _good_ idea.

It was. Maker only knew what fate would befall the mages were they enslaved to the Venatori and the Imperium. Cullen couldn't regret intervening when they did. Cullen sighed, defeated, knowing he would lose this argument, and would in no way convince the mage he was just chilly. He rubbed his arms a little, as if truly fighting a chill and soaked in the scenery before them. He could walk away, find another quiet place to ponder things, or he could change the subject. He chose a change in subject.

They'd discussed many things since their first one-on-one conversation, Adaar often asking questions about Cullen's past, mostly his history with the Templars, and mages, but never once did Cullen think to inquire of Adaar's. It never really seemed necessary. And the more he asked, the more he left himself open to questions as well. And there were just some things he didn't wish to talk about. He assumed the same could be said of Adaar, that he just didn't feel like sharing, but Cullen had already missed too many opportunities.

He didn't want to miss anymore.

He wanted to know Adaar. Not the Herald of Andraste that traveled around Ferelden closing rifts, or attended war meetings with the Inquisition's advisers. But the Tal-Vashoth hired on to assist the Chantry with keeping the peace at the Conclave.

The person he was _before_ the Conclave.

"So how did you meet Shokrakar?" he asked Adaar.

It was the giant's turn to fluster a little, gnawing on his bottom lip, and reaching up to fiddle with the long braid of coal black hair that fell down between his shoulder blades. "She saved me," he said.

"From what?" Cullen asked.

He gave his answer some thought, but finally shrugged, smiling a little, and said, "Well, in a way, myself, I suppose."

Well, that was intriguing, to say the least. "What happened to you?"

He watched Adaar sigh, and turn his attention to the frozen lake before them, the mountains in the distance, to the sky. Deep in thought for a moment. Then he pulled a pipe from his pocket. Did a rather fascinating little trick, somehow lighting the pipe with his magic as he puffed on it. To Cullen's amusement he exhaled through his nose, and once more the giant resembled a brooding dragon, but he looked somewhat serious, and his expression darkened, all humor gone.

"I'm what the Iron Bull pretends to be," he finally said, and his words threw Cullen for a loop.

"Tal-Vashoth?" he asked, heart fluttering just a little. "You were part of the Qun?"

Slowly, Adaar nodded. "Saarebas," he said. "You've seen them before?"

Cullen nodded. An inkling of lingering trepidation rose up, but he was far too curious at the moment, and had to know more. He waited patiently for Adaar to speak again, all previous thought having left his head. Completely enthralled by the story to follow.

"When Shokrakar found me I was...well, a wreck," he then said. "I was not...not the person I am today. Far from it. Shokrakar is Vashoth. You know, never been Qunari? But her father had been under the Qun, so she knew a lot about it. They knew what I was, what the Qun had made me to be. They freed me, their mage healers patched me up. Did a bang up job of it too, I'd say." He raised a brow in surprise. "I didn't know how to be... _free_. Didn't know what to do with myself. How to act. Shokrakar and her father had to teach me."

Cullen studied him for a moment. "You've...certainly changed," he remarked. "I never would've guessed." Adaar's face cracked into a smile once more, some of that dark cloud lifting. "Does Bull know about it?"

Adaar shrugged. "If he does, he hasn't said anything. I doubt he would mention it to anyone. Not so many people would trust me if they knew...That a _saarebas_ is allowed to run free, with a mark on his hand connected to the Breach and the rifts throughout Thedas? Not something people would want to know. The Chantry would lose their minds if they knew. I'm sure that's why your Spymaster looks at me the way she does. And I'm sure the Qun has their own opinion on that subject too."

A new expression flashed across his features for a moment when he glanced at Cullen. Something the Commander had never seen before. It seemed evident Cullen wasn't the only one feeling exposed.

"You're now wondering if you can actually trust me, aren't you?" he asked quietly, then took another puff from his pipe, smoke wafting, the smell of burnt elfroot closing the space between them. Cullen cleared his throat.

"Uh, no actually," he said, to Adaar's surprise. "I - it's just...you're so...normal."

Adaar burst with a chuckle, smoke escaping between ivory whites. "Normal," he repeated, shaking his head in denial. "I'm anything but, Commander. To the Chantry, I'm a monster, to the Qun, I'm absolutely _insane_ , and to you, well, I'm not human. So...I'm not normal to anyone's standards."

"I just meant you're...you're just...I didn't expect you to - to be -"

"I think get what you're trying to say. How can I be so calm, and reasonable, right?"

Cullen sputtered. "Yes."

"Bull's not the only one good at pretending." He grinned, and clamped down on the pipe with his teeth.

Cullen tried to picture it. Adaar wrapped in chains, arms and hands pinned behind him, unable to move or speak without someone showing him how. But rather than be afraid of him, he just couldn't help but pity him, especially after getting to know him. Standing before Adaar, he didn't see a beast, he saw a person. He'd long abandoned the errant thought of mages being anything less than people, knowing it was just Meredyth's influence, and his own paranoia over the years that led him to ever believe that in the first place.

It was the Lyrium. And the withdrawal.

It was the demons that haunted him.

It was Uldred.

Adaar wasn't the monster. 

Cullen had been.

"You don't always have to pretend, you know," he said, again surprising Adaar. He lifted a brow. "You can just be yourself. You're a good man, from what I've seen. I'm sure others see it as well. You don't have to hide what you were, Adaar."

He nodded a little, somewhat like a 'thank you'. Appreciative of the sentiment. "Ataashi," he said, and Cullen blinked in confusion. "My first name is Ataashi. It's strange hearing people use my surname. _Adaar_ was Shokrakar's father."

"You took his name?" Cullen asked, and he nodded.

"I did. He was like a father to me as well. Saarebas aren't given names. We're not considered individuals, like you. That would be like naming each and every sword in a crate of them, instead of just calling them 'swords'. He called me Kaaras, 'navigator', but when I got older, learned more about the world, gained a sense of self, I wanted my _own_ name. Something of _my_ choosing. Ataashi, son of Adaar. Or, as you would say, Ataashi Adaar."

"What does Ataashi mean?"

He smirked. "It means 'dragon'." How poetic. Cullen couldn't help but chuckle, shaking his head in disbelief. _Of course_ , he thought.  _Of course his name is Dragon_. He seemed to know what Cullen was thinking on that matter, based on his expression. "You like it? Bull gets a kick out of it too," he said. "He says it suits me. I take it as compliment. Dragons are greatly respected by Qunari, you know."

 _And it has nothing to do with the fact that you look like one_, Cullen thought ruefully, but he didn't say it aloud.

"So, Cullen, ever ridden a dragon?" Adaar asked, and the Commander balked at the question.

"What?! Of course not!"

"Do you want to?"

"How would one even accomplish that, exactly?"

Adaar merely smiled, flashing ivory white teeth, eyes holding a gleam just then. "It's easy," he said. "You just grab both horns, and hold on tight." Such words made Cullen's eyes roll involuntarily, thinking the Tal-Vashoth were merely joking, until the giant leaned in closer, his voice dropping suggestively low in timbre. "What do you say, Commander? Wanna take me for a ride?"

What? Take him for a...

Oh! He meant... _Maker's breath,_ Cullen thought, cheeks a bright crimson. He swallowed nervously, the words, "Yes, very much so," on the tip of his tongue... _No!_ he chastened himself internally. Had he not already disregarded the idea of becoming involved with him? Why did he suddenly want to? How would that even work, exactly? Would Adaar expect him to bend over and... _Sweet Maker!_ he cursed, trying to perish the thought. _No, no I really don't think I want to do that._ "Uh, I'll just stick to riding horses, thank you," he quipped.

"Oh you're no fun," the giant pouted. "Come on, Cullen, I know you like me, and I like you. What's the problem?...Is it that I'm a giant? Or that I'm a _mage_?"

"What?! No! No, I...uhm," he rubbed the back of his neck. _Shit, he knows I like him? Have I been that obvious?...Wait, he likes me as well? Maker's breath_. "I - I don't think -"

"Relax, Commander, I'm not offended," Adaar said, though his eyes spoke differently. He huffed, then tapped his pipe on the post to empty it of ashes. "Well, we should probably get some rest. Big day tomorrow."

"Uh, yes, good idea," Cullen mumbled. Adaar started to walk away, but Cullen was hesitant to leave the pier. "Goodnight," he called, and Adaar dipped his head. He continued walking, but stopped to turn back after a moment.

"You know, I bet if you gave me five minutes, I could change your mind," he said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, grinning, and once more Cullen blushed and stammered. Adaar chuckled, and turned away. Oh but _now_ Cullen was curious.

"Five minutes? What could you possibly accomplish in only five minutes?" he couldn't help but ask, and Adaar shot him a novel worthy look, biting his lip. There was no mistaking the intent behind that look.

"You ever wanna find out, you let me know," he said, and walked away.

Cullen shook his head at him.

Oh but dammit, now he _wanted_ to know.

 _Maker give me strength,_ he prayed.


End file.
